Interracial Relationships From Both Points of View

It's often an interesting perspective to view the same relationship from both the men and women's points of view. This week I decided to tackle the same aspects of my current relationship: meeting for the first time, initial reactions, and overall attitude from my perspective and from my girlfriend's perspective to see what the differences are between a man and a woman, or the minority and the non minority in an interracial relationship.

First impressions:

My first impressions when meeting my current girlfriend were pretty simple. We had legitimately everything in common and I found her incredibly attractive. As far as first impressions go I couldn't really have had a better one. The only fear I had at the time was if she would not be interested in me because I wasn't white like she is.

Her first impressions of me were that I was a handsome, kind and funny person who she had an unbelievable amount in common with. Notice how race didn't even factor into that. She noticed how I was polite and opened doors and went out of my way to be cordial. She was afraid I didn't like her, but in hindsight it was all probably both of us just being too fearful to be forward with our emotions in fear of rejection.

Start of our relationship:

We had gone out a few times to dinner, movies, stuff like that, before we officially were in a relationship. We were both trying to keep it slow. I had just gotten out of a serious relationship and she hadn't been in one in years so we were both just trying to play it cool and not rush into anything.

I liked her a lot and knew from the second we hung out the first time and met in person I wanted to be in a relationship, but I knew it was more appropriate to wait and not ask right of the bat. I was more afraid of anything that the interracial aspect would be off-putting to someone who wasn't also a minority.

She says now she wanted a relationship too. She is more shy than I am and is reserved in a way that she is fearful to put herself out there emotionally unless I say something first. Once again race wasn't an issue. We were simply both very attracted to one another and it was never even really thought of on her end that we were anything but good together.

The bottom line:

The thing to note here with my current relationship is that, yes, on the surface we are an interracial relationship couple, but in our minds we simply care about each other. There's nothing else to it other than that. We are two people who happen to be from different ethnic backgrounds, but that doesn't mean anything other than what we look like. All that matters is that we care about each other, are attracted to each other, and work well together. At the end of the day that's all you can really ask for.

By Mark

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“Unconventional” Interracial Relationships on the Rise

A study shows that there is a huge imbalance in the world of interracial relationships. In fact the scale is so heavily weighed on one end that it needed to be discussed here. According to a recent survey 75% of interracial relationships are represented by an Asian female, white male couple. Literally three out of every four mixed race couples are that combination. That is a shocking statistic to me. If you were to tell me that was the most common I would gladly accept that, but saying that the ratio is that extreme mainly is hard to swallow because that just means that all of the other kinds of interracial relationships are still not as well accepted as I had thought. I had reached a point in my life where I saw interracial relationships as flourishing all around me, in the media, in my life, in the public. I had no idea that this was still the case among mixes of other races.

I've written for months now on interracial dating and this statistic just blew my mind. It opened my eyes to the ignorance that I was involved in with interracial dating and relationships. It is easy to get tunnel vision and get caught up in your own life when talking about a topic like this, and I must admit I was. Being in two back to back interracial relationships made me simply think they weren't as big of a deal, not as rare, and not something so hard to talk about. I must apologize for this attitude that I was giving off. I was completely unaware of it until now.

I think this encapsulates a more serious issue that divides the people in the world. If you are involved in an interracial relationship, like I am, then you see the world through rose colored glasses and find it hard to believe that you are such a minority. However, if you are not involved in one, but want to be you may see how the world is so far from complete racial blindness and lose faith. Don't lose faith. There are so many people out there looking for love. So many people who are lonely and looking for someone else, anyone else of any race.

These days the internet is a venue for which to reach people in your town to your planet. It is literally the world at your fingertips. Your life is and always will be what you make of it. If you want an interracial relationship then you can have one. The only reason such a statistic threw me off of my guard was because I was so conditioned to being in a relationship that I guess was unconventional. I also see them all the time in the media. This is not only a good thing, but a great thing and seeing how the world is evolving to this attitude is great. I know that in the years to come that statistic will be skewed to represent all colors mixing together and eventually there will be no such thing as a conventional interracial relationship.

By Mark

Interracial Couples on TV

There is a TV show on right now that is taking the world by storm. Literally every single person who starts watching this show becomes addicted, and ironically enough there is a prominently featured interracial couple as two of the main characters. The show is a new school zombie apocalypse interpretation based off of the comic book series of the same name, “The Walking Dead”. The two main characters are Maggie, a small town, white, farmer's daughter from the country, and Glenn, a Korean American man from the city. During the hustle and bustle of the dawning apocalypse they found each other and became inseparable. The main thing to note is how normal this duo is cast. This just goes to show that interracial relationships as a whole have come such a long way in recent years.

Not only do the characters of Maggie and Glenn kiss on screen, have passionate love scenes, and more than hint at a physical romance between the two, but the whole thing is completely passive. Yes, they are a white woman and an Asian man in a relationship, but nothing is ever even really noted about it. They are simply a couple.

It is very refreshing to have a show so mainstream, so in the public eye feature a couple like this. Most of the relationships on those types of public shows have been almost entirely based in the idea of white couples, or at the largest stretch a black couple. It is very rare to see to different races play such a starring role. The changing times only become further represented by television shows and media. There have been a few of these blog posts lately relating to the ideas portrayed in media on and with interracial couples. It is all connected to show how what is going on in the world always relates back to what is being shown in the media. Just as social trends follow and fade through style and art, the views on relationships are shown through media.

As interracial dating has only become more and more relevant in recent times, the prevalence of the mention of it and the representation of it in media has exploded. Movie stars are in interracial relationships, tv couples are involved with other races and it is no longer even really something out of the ordinary. If you're attracted to people of another race it is normal and perfectly fine to pursue. It is amazing that the world of media accepts this and allows it to be uncensored now.

Personal Interracial Relationship Story

As I have referenced before in many of my blog posts I am a mixed race Asian guy. I grew up in a heavily white area and found myself very attracted to white women for my entire life. I never really was able to act on this desire until I was in college and met people outside of my closed off, suburban town. I met a really nice girl who was into all of the things I was. We had a great time, were together for years, even lived together for a few years. But, as often happens with relationships, especially at that young of an age, we simply grew apart. The love that we had that at one time seemed impervious to faltering was collapsing around us and we decided we needed to part ways. Being an Asian guy in North America, you rarely see Asian men and white female couples, but that was what I was always interested in. I'm not a racist by any means, I just find white women to be very attractive. I find all races of women attractive, but in terms of an actual preference I'd be lying if I said it was anything other than for white women.

So, here I was, left devastated by a breakup with a girl who I thought was the perfect one for me. It was my first actual relationship where we were together for so long it was no longer you and I, we were referred to everyone in a plural. We were a package deal. Now I was alone again. To add to the troubles of simply resorting back to single life, I also was troubled over wondering if I would ever meet another white girl who was interested in an Asian guy. I know this seems trivial, but it was quite a burning issue in the back of my mind. After a few months went by and I had gathered my independence again I figured it was time for me to start looking again. The only issue was that after breaking up I had moved back home to leave the town I had lived with my ex in, to start over fresh. I was back in the town where my interests in interracial love were never allowed to flourish. I feared that I would simply never meet another girl who liked me and wanted me just as much as I wanted them.

I turned to online dating. I figured this way I could meet people I would never otherwise have a chance to meet. I could also strike up conversations with people without fearing personal face to face awkwardness or rejection. It was pretty much a win-win situation. After a few weeks I had started talking to a few people but they kind of sizzled out after a while. I was starting to lose faith. Then I started talking to this one girl who's profile seemed shockingly similar to mine. We were literally interested in all of the same things. It was unbelievable how much we had in common, and not to mention the fact that she was beautiful. I have been seeing her for a few months now and I finally feel like I am allowed to write on interracial relationships again now that I have found my companion in life once again who is not of my race. The moral of my personal story is that interracial love is out there for everyone. No matter how long of a shot you think it is, or how unlikely you will be to meet the perfect person for you out there it simply isn't true. There is someone out there for everyone and anyone.

By Mark

Interracial Marriage and Human Rights

Over the past few decades huge strides have been made in the acceptance of interracial relationships. Only a few generations in the past, interracial relationships were not only taboo, but illegal. Even though the idea of legalizing love has, and always will be a hot debate issue, there is no telling if that kind of debate will ever fully end. The only thing that is undeniable is that with each growing day, each year and each generation the acceptance of these issues on love are evolving in the right direction. A perfect example of this in the 60s and 70s was race relations and today it is seen in gay marriage. 

The comparison between interracial relationships and gay relationships is similar in the aspect that they are both kinds of love, desires that are uncontrolled, but that some people in the world have a problem with for no real reason. The struggles faced by participants of both groups are affected equally by stereotypes, unaimed hatred, and needless bigotry. The main difference in the two is that while interracial relationships have been reaching a wider acceptance there was no real revolution, no public spectacle made on the behalf of interracial relationships. This is quite the opposite with gay marriage. With the world of social media and internet connectedness we live in today the issue of gay marriage has not only become a huge topic in the world of politics and the realm of lawmaking, but it has had far reaching effects on the people who are too young to vote, or not inspired to be changed by lawmaking. The depths of the exposure of gay marriage has reached a level where it is something everyone can talk about in public one way or another.

With interracial relationships there was never this big “Ah ha” moment. The public never sought out any large opinion on the matter. For this reason, the idea of the acceptance of interracial relationships has been swept under the proverbial rug and never really shown to the public and held on the pedestal of modern media to be something that is endorsed or made popular by the public. In many ways it is the human rights, or social issue that was left behind. 

The fact that interracial relationships have reached the level of acceptance that they have today given the struggles they've faced and considering how far they have come in just the past few years is shocking. From segregated schools and cities only forty years ago, and a war over enslaving one race only a couple hundred years ago the idea that a black man and white woman, or an asian man and black woman can walk down the street hand in hand is a beautiful sight.

By Mark

Interview With an Interracial Couple: Stacy and Wen

I recently had the pleasure of meeting a new interracial couple from New York City. Their names are Stacy and Wen. They are friends of a friend of mine who went to school with Stacy in New York and have been close ever since. Stacy is a mixture of European heritage while Wen is Chinese. They also met in college and have been a couple ever since. Given the fact that I write for a blog on interracial dating I couldn't pass up the opportunity to ask them a few questions and get their opinions on their relationship from two other people in an interracial relationship.

Me: How do you think people on the street usually react when they see you guys are a couple and not just friends?

Stacy and Wen: We have been together so by now it just feels like whatever. At first we were more conscious of what was going on around us or if we got any looks, but we were going to a super liberal, laid back art school so the people there honestly would be the last to give us any trouble. Now it really just seems like no one notices or cares haha. 


Me: How did your families react when they met your significant other for the first time?

Stacy: My mom first found out when I talked to her on the phone. I was like, “I'm going out with a Chinese guy, and she was all like, “No way!”, and I was like yeah really!” It wasn't a big deal my parents were hippies in the 70s and would be the last ones to be racist or judge based on something like that. They raised me well I guess haha. I know my friend was dating a black guy and when she told her mom her mom actually freaked out and was mad. That's just ridiculous. 

Wen: I actually told my mom first too because I didn't know how my dad would react. Chinese people can get kind of weird about dating outside of their race I guess. Mostly because my parents are actually from China and immigrants to the US so their ideas are all based in Chinese culture and all of our relatives and friends and family friends around us are completely Chinese, literally all of them. That was the only reason I was nervous. At first I think they were more confused than anything. They definitely weren't mad or angry or disapproving though. Now they love her, probably more than they even like me haha. 

Me: Have your views on interracial relationships changed since you've been in one?

Stacy: Well, I've never really been one to give it much thought. I always just wanted people to do whatever they felt like they wanted to do, you know? I mean I guess growing up I always imagined the fairy tale of meeting my prince and getting married and I always imagined a white guy, but I grew up in the suburbs of upstate New York where there are like no minorities ever. I didn't even really know about people from other races. When I started seeing them later in life I was like, oh he's cute! Race was never really something I noticed above anything else like that.

Wen: Not even going to lie I like white girls. I like Asian girls too, but being raised in the United States I was always really attracted to white girls. I don't really know why, I guess for the same reason that Stacy said where like all of the white girls were the ones in movies the ones “everyone” had a crush on. It was more of a cultural thing I guess. 

By Mark